Saturday, February 25, 2006

The Strange Seduction of the Demonic Burger King

Consider this a warning: Burger King may be currently under the influence of a cthonic entity from beyond space and time.

Even now, its cult is rising up out of the strange backwaters of our world to strike at humanity through the most powerful tool any strange being from out-of-space might have: our food. The Burger King in Yellow is the most bizarre and eerily creepy corporate mascot ever, but it may yet be the instrumental guise for this creature. Already there have been masks produced to mimic its unholy visage released for a Hallow'een takeover--thankfully I saw none of these terrible things on Mill.

This creature has even been seen in the Super Bowl advertisements, grooming its cultists to create a virgin sacrifice of choreographic dancers (likely virgins) who cast themselves as condiments and pieces of a hamburger, and then threw themselves together into a pile (creating the burger), presumably so that the Burger King could then devour them off camera.

Do not be fooled!

The warning signs are all here -- this certainly is no end time, but the danger may be great. Creepy advertising may be attention getting, but ... why risk it?

For those so invested, thou might want to check out a parody story that I wrote about Vex Harrow's own encounter with the Burger King in Yellow in No, I Do Not Want Fries With That.

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